42 days ago... I became a free woman
25 days ago... lockdown was declared
Wow, the irony of this.
But this is not a story of how miserable or happy I am during the lockdown.
This is a story on how to regain control, because when one have too much freedom, that's where you lose self-control. And I lost control.
Having to work continuously for the past 3 years without a proper break, I was really looking forward to this one.
So what should I do first?
Well... nothing! Cause I don't have to be doing anything, this is my well-deserved break.
First, I'd like to clarify that there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with taking a break, because everyone needs a break to recuperate. #NoteToOverachievers
And what a break i took, it span from one week to two weeks. Then on the third week, the significant other is starting to be concern. And he was concern for the right reasons.
See the thing is guys, not having a job the first thing that will go down the drain is your sleep schedule. And within 1 week, I have royally fucked up my sleep schedule. Which leads to exhaustion which leads to the lack of productivity (not that I had anything to produce at that point) but basically leading to everything crashing and burning.
My daily routine looks something like this: Wake Up > Get Food > Come Home > Play Game > Watch Drama > Play Game > Get Food > Drama/Game/Read > Sleep
At one point, I think my screen time was 10 hours/day. 6 hours probably come from the game and the rest from scrolling social media. I'm not proud of it but it is what it is.
Every time someone made a comment of it whether it be my dad or Sean, I just gave him the death glare and a retort that goes along "this is my break, I deserve it, why don't you mind your own business."
I think in that few weeks I just broke my own record of being a potato.
And then I didn't wanna be that version of me anymore.
Nothing, the games became boring. The dramas are no fun, and there's only so much Young Sheldon & BBT clips I can scroll till I watched everything through short clips without watching anything on the series. I probably know everything without watching a single episode fully. And truthfully at this stage, I felt useless.
I tried getting back up, by drawing out the KPI dashboard, something that I've used in the past to measure productivity but it didn't work. I could barely hold things for 2 days straight. Btw, I really do recommend this KPI dashboard by Charles Ngo, feel free to check it out. It wasn't because the method sucks that's why it didn't help me, it was because I was missing on my WHY and I tried to put too many things on the KPI dashboard (overachiever syndrome) and it overwhelmed me.
But one thing that I kept constant was exercising, every 5.30pm my alarm will ring to remind me to exercise regardless of what I'm doing. And I tell myself, as long as you did your exercise today, you've done something.
And through exercising I somewhat created a structure. After exercising will be cooking dinner, and after cooking it's dining. After incorporating this everyday for a few weeks, it became a habit. Then I brought in 1 more thing because exercising & dinner prepping has become the norm. I brought in blogging. And this post is the 5th post so that means I've been doing something for 5 days consecutively.
So today, after exercising and dinner, Sean and I had our dessert time overlooking the lake and then I was talking bout how I was few weeks back which brought awareness to how I was able to transition from there to here.
This is what I realised:
1. It's okay to not have a big why.
Too many people are stressing on the why too much. The why did you this and why did you that. It's okay to not have a why, as long as you have fun and you're happy and you feel a sense of achievement in your journey. I didn't have a strong why when I started exercising.
2. Introduce structure SLOWLY
There is a reason why you need 21 consecutive days to build a habit. It is not something that happens overnight. And if you spread yourself too thin, your habit/structure will not form and you get overwhelm and once you didn't achieve something for that day, you feel down and do not want to get back up. Trust me, I know. You need to understand that your mind, body and soul needs time to get familiar with the new habit and incorporate it fully. And it's okay you slip a day or two as long as you pick up and not give up. Not surprisingly picking up bad habits are easier, so unfair.
3. Freedom is control in your own life -Willie Nelson
This is so true, and once you can't even control your own life and/or where it's headed, you lose that freedom. I am now trapped in my malfunction body clock. It is improving, from sleeping at 5am to now, 3am. Baby steps, but I'll get there, preferably sooner than later.
4. Rest is necessity
Taking time off is as important as being busy. Your body and mind needs a break, if it's okay to ask a love one to take a break, why is it not ok for you? And this MCO may be a bad news to most but look at the bright side since we're already being quarantine might as well take the time to allow yourself to rest and recuperate, and once MCO lifts, come out with the energy to take on the world.
So yup, there you go, me rambling and trying to make sense of my rambles. Writing this inspired me to write about productivity next so may be that'll be the topic to tomorrow !
And whoever that really read everything, thank you and I hope you get the rest you deserve, no one can run a marathon continuously.